Archive for April, 2006

The answer

I just had another beer. That should solve the mystery.
Oh, and smoking cigars doesn’t do anything either.
Yes, I’m regressing to my self-distructive ways. Good thing I don’t do smack.

Falling off the wagon

I bought a beer.
In preparation for the descent of moms and pops later this week*, I am about to test how well alcohol and Celexa mixes for me. Reported effects range from “nothing at all” to “decreased tolerance” to “back the fuck away from the drink”. We shall see which category I fall […]

Four days and counting

I’ve had a brief streak of productivity these past few days and since I made a few decisions that helped to reduce my stress load, it’s been alright. I have yet to recover my introspective qualities but in a way this continued decrease in self-reflection has also stopped me from thinking about how much […]


I miss alcohol. Or perhaps I’m just tired of the surprised looks when I have to turn down a drink.

Mon oeil

I had this dream last night where one of the “characters” was screaming “I can’t cry! Why can’t I cry? What’s wrong with me”?
When I woke up, I couldn’t open my eyes but it was like I could see through my eyelids.
My dreams aren’t usually very cryptic but I never thought it would […]


The medication has helped take away the feelings of utter despair and overwhelming anxiety, but it has also taken away joy. This is how it’s going to be till I get off the pills, I think, so I need to learn to adjust to feeling this way (or perhaps not feeling?). I don’t […]


I’m having one of those weekends where for all intents and purposes, I should be curled up in a ball crying. I can feel the sadness and the anxiety building in my chest - kind of a sinking pain if you will. I’m not crying though. I am not nervous. My […]